Dreams and Reality
by Bun8.5
Summary: An alternate life for Squee, a changed yet still homicidal Johnny. Ten years later, Squee is still fixated on the first person who ever showed him kindness. Yes, in that way. Squee/Nny
1. Default Chapter

Squee grows up with a complex of sorts.   
  
Dreams and Reality   
  
Todd Casil moved away from his parents when he was ten years old to live with his aunt across town. He should have been happy. Away from his hateful, negligent parents, and especially away from that man. The neighbor. The killer. Shmee hated him, told him bad things about that man. Little Todd feared him. The monster under his bed was real, and it spoke to him. It came to him covered in blood, asking for a band-aid, traumatizing him while quite possibly being the only positive influence in his life. This he blocked out of his memory, not realizing that this psychopath would be the first person to ever take genuine interest in his well-being. For some reason, as his aunt drove him away from his parents house, he felt pangs of loss in his heart. The dreams began a year after he moved. Every night, a man came to his window and took him to a place where nothing could hurt him. And he was happy. The tall, thin man made him feel good and wanted, even loved.  
  
Todd woke up with sticky sheets sometimes.  
  
He would draw the man's silhouette in countless notebooks at skool.  
  
When Todd reached highskool, he found himself attracted to other boys, mostly thin black clad goth boys and almost always older. Often he made out with these boys in bathroom stalls during class, letting them slip black polished fingers into the waistband of his pants while he submissively clung to their shoulder blades and threw back his head when they bit into his neck like the vampires they thought they were. All the while, he closed his eyes, and remembered his dream man.  
  
But not one of them could accuse him of being a slut, although he was just a little, because that would mean admitting to their kohl smeared gothic girlfriends that they liked to screw around with other boys. Dressing &"differently" didn't always mean that there was a progressive mind underneath the daring outfits. Todd knew this and wasn't offended by the secrecy. It just got annoying when he wanted someone to be with, and the guy who he'd gone down on last period treated him like nothing had happened.   
  
He wanted to be protected and loved, not screwed and thrown away. He wanted the man in his dreams, who held him and told him everything, would be okay, after he rid the people who hurt his Squeegee of their mortal coils. He always called him Squee or Squeegee, which was a nickname Todd barely remembered from childhood.   
  
The years with his parents were a blur, like a nightmare that had come to an end. He didn't remember the first nine years of his life. He figured, he probably didn't want to if it was bad enough to just block out. All he could remember was the blue hair and messy spikes that he ran his fingers through every night and the black shirt he clung to as his man held him and whispered in his ear. It didn't occur to him that it might be connected to memories from his childhood or manifestations of the twisted comfort brought to him by a murderer. He hadn't even taken Shmee with him when he left, so the bear couldn't help him remember a person he'd subconsciously fallen in love with years ago.  
  
In his last year of highskool, Todd began to frequent clubs and bars mostly of the goth or industrial variety. By age eighteen, he had grown tall and thin, and very beautiful. His face was soft and feminine, his brown eyes were big and round. His hair, which was naturally black as opposed to dyed, was soft and cut short and choppy around his head. This in combination with his wispy body made him particularly attractive to other men. The clubs were a good place to find these men, and the best place find ones that resembled the man in his dreams.  
  
He often found himself being flirted with in dark corners of a goth club, and being taken into bathrooms, sometimes even apartments to mess around with men in their late twenties, who found his youth and submissive nature irresistible. He played them well, always leaning back against the wall when they talked to him, gazing like a docile kitten while he let them think they were in control.  
  
But it never filled him. The interactions were always dissatisfactory, never what he was looking for. Sex with beautiful strangers was still nothing compared to his dreams. Although convinced that this man was a figment of his mind, Todd didn't really give up looking.  
  
A year later, Todd went to collage. He wanted to be a writer. His poems and stories made his professors cry because they always reflected the immense sense of loss that he could not explain and his relentless search for something that felt so real, but was not.  
  
A month before he turned twenty, a man in his literature class asked him out on a date. His name was Dave. And he was tall and thin, with dyed black hair. He was also very nice and beautiful, except for his eyes, which disturbed Todd greatly. But he wasn't about to let the first person to ever ask him out on more than one date get away. Dave really liked him, and didn't even ask about sex. He seemed only interested in Todd's happiness. On his twentieth birthday, Dave took him out to dinner. Afterward, they went to a club Todd had not been to before. It was dark, like he was used to, but there was something wrong about it. It reminded him of a basement because of the dampness. The floor seemed wet and the lighting was uneven. There seemed to be more younger, underage looking boys and girls there than he remembered seeing at other places. He felt all around pretty disgusted.  
  
"Why did we come here, Dave?" He asked, but Dave was no longer beside him. "Dave?"   
  
Dave had gone to the bar to buy Todd a drink. He smiled wickedly as he took the drink form the bartender and over to where Todd stood looking confused. This was, after all, the only place in town you could buy such a drink premixed.  
  
"There you are.", He said, relieved.  
  
"I bought you a drink, birthday boy." Dave said, his smile widening.  
  
Todd shuddered slightly. Tonight, Dave's smile matched his evil blue eyes. He knew something was wrong, but before it could register, he was already sipping the offered beverage.  
  
He swayed. "I can't possibly be drunk off of that..." "Shit" He looked at Dave, whose smile was inhuman, and whimpered, as he couldn't formulate the word "Why".  
  
He felt himself being caught from behind, and saw a tall man come up behind Dave. He recognized the blue hair and figured that he had begun to dream, except that the man drew a long blunt object. It looked like a bat with spikes attached to it. He absently remembered that this weapon was called a mace.  
  
Suddenly, half of Dave's head was a bloody mass and he was falling. The man looked at Todd, his mace raised again. The terror of impending death took a back seat to his slipping out of consciousness. Before he went out, one word escaped his lips.  
"Squeee" 


	2. Chapter Two

Thanks to the two of you who gave me reviews, they were very nice and made me happy. I thank you greatly for the taquitos, they were breathtaking. Here's Chapter 2 now. As is obvious, this is AU, where instead of going to the Defective Head Meat institution, little Squee goes to court and his parents loose custody and it is given to his mom's sister. But Squee wouldn't be Squee without weird mental hang-ups right? So he's obsessed with a dream Nny who he doesn't remember cause he's blocked out his pre 10 years old memories, see. It's just an idea I had one day cause all the squee/nny fics are kind of the same so I thought of a different scenario and I thought it would be so cool but it doesn't seem that popular. Oh well.

Mass murder didn't seem to have the draw it once had. It was as if Nny was a husband and murder was his wife, and their marriage has lost its spark. This thought brought disturbing images to Nny's head of himself and Mr.Fuck lying in bed together, and Eff whining, "Johnny, why don't you touch me anymore?"

Last week he'd taken out a cheerleading squad armed only with a pair of salad tongs, but the effort just wasn't there. Even the girls' screams of agony had seemed half assed. It was like all of his motivation for the one thing he could still do well had gone up in flames with his house.

It was quite pathetic, as he'd sent it up almost nine years ago, killing all inside who were not already dead including the Moose. It'd been one of the most amazing things Johnny C. had ever witnessed. That night he'd used up twenty-eight buckets of kerosene to make sure every floor got it, especially the room with the wall. The room where he'd been forced to touch disgusting bodily fluid to paint the wall, and where he had killed one of the best friends he'd ever had.

It seemed right to kill the Moose. If anyone else had forced him to do the shit it made him do, they'd have been dead a thousand times over.

He had watched the house burn down, Cherry Fiz Wiz in hand. It took a long time for the frame to fall in, and when it did, if fell straight down into more fire because he had made sure it would ignite all at once. When the house collapsed, the Moose came up. He could see it's tentacles whipping and writhing in flames, but unable to heave itself out of the fiery pit. Sometimes, it would manage to propel most of its body upward, achieving a flip in the air, and then fall back down. It looked just like a flaming, mutated dolphin glowing orange against the night. Very beautiful, really.

Who knew the thing could actually die.

Nny had been sure that he would've died with it, but then again, he had helped it to become material, so it really wasn't even that much a part of him anymore. It was just as well, though.

The fire department didn't even come until there was nothing but a black pit of ash left of house number 777 and by that time, Johnny was on the other side of town "renovating" a new house for himself. The former tenants should have known better then to keep their door unlocked at night. But first he made a quick tap on a window next door to say goodbye to the purest being in the universe and his only remaining friend, but found the room totally desolate. Weird, he hadn't seen them move out.

As it turned out, Johnny's criminal insanity was not figment induced at all. It was his natural disposition. Nothing more fun than killing stupid people. His humanity unrestored, he continued on with his hobby, this time doing it for himself which was so much less stressful than having to keep a bloody wall wet.

But for some reason, nine years later, in this other side of town, the people either weren't as fun to kill, or less stupid enough to deserve it.

Nah.

Maybe the cop car driving slowly down his street at 2 am had discouraged him, or made him question his inability to get caught.

He wasn't afraid, just board. The people he killed seemed almost too easy, like they didn't even care enough to run. They didn't even possess the animalistic hatred or petty cruelty that he so loved to extinguish. They were simply wastes of flesh in no specific way. Their existence failed to infuriate him.

That is, until he began scouting around the university. Frat boys had to be the most fun to kill and he felt stupid to have not thought of it before.

While Johnny was sitting on a bench in the quad contemplating going home, He walked by.

It was like love at first sight.

As soon as he reached where Johnny was sitting, Johnny froze at the sight of him and stared. He stared back with empty blue eyes and Johnny felt himself in the most evil and unsettling gaze he'd seen since last time he looked in the mirror. And then the young man _smiled _directly at Johnny. Like he knew how desirable he looked that night, even though the way he was desirable to Johnny had nothing to do with sex. His look said to Johnny, "come for me and I'll do _bad_ things to you."

A challenge was issued. This was bad man vs. bad man.

He'd never been given such an overt invitation before.

Johnny felt his mouth curl into an evil, yet sincere smile.

He was going to enjoy this immensely.

Johnny wanted this man dead and would not be content until he could personally rip out his belly and watch all of his digestive organs and blood hit the pavement or grass or wherever the deed was carried out. He didn't care. Murder was his lust and it was finally alive again.

He waited until the man was several feet ahead of him, and then began to follow him, keeping sight of the back of his head. Black hair and lighter roots. He took a shortcut through the engineering school, across the next lawn, over a skywalk and around another corner. It seemed that this man had incredible speed that even Johnny in his unusual tracking skills could hardly keep up with.

He was even more shocked to find him gone around the next corner. Even running, he'd still be in view with how long the sidewalk extended in a straight line ahead.

Impossible. No one escapes me. No one.

He didn't find him that night. Nor did he sleep until he did.

A week later, in the same spot, they replayed the same performance, and Johnny followed closer as to not loose him again.

Engineering school.

Lawn.

Corner.

Skywalk.

Corner.

Door that hadn't been there before.

Except it had been there and the sign above it read "Edward McCrappy Hall".

Johnny only saw the door swing shut after him. He could go in, but how would he know what dorm he lived in? Was he supposed to knock on every door and ask for a guy with a bad dye job and deranged smile?

No.

He'd wait. It's not like he had anywhere else to be. The need was driving him more insane than usual and he was willing. He'd even brought his most fun weapon, a 13th century mace. It was no fun to haul around, and he wasn't willing to carry it every week until he caught up with this guy.

Johnny waited, and the blood in his brain pumped hard and his breathing was erratic. The anticipation was almost unbearable as he clutched his weapon hard and waited, having no idea when the man was to come back out. If Johnny was capable of carnal desire, he'd have been steeped in it at this moment. Instead, he had his closest approximation to this feeling. Which happened to be the absolute need to destroy.

It could have been the next morning for all he cared but luckily, it was only a half hour.

He came back out but he wasn't alone.

He had another young man latching himself to his arm.

Shit. Innocent bystander.

They walked on and Nny followed.

He could hear bits and pieces of the conversation.

"….for my birthday…."

"…..Get dinner?"

" Not now…Somewhere else fun….dinner later…"

" Dave, I….you."

"Todd…..you look…..ful."

Todd. Hmm, familiar to Johnny. The name generated almost instant sympathy for the boy and he couldn't place why. He only knew that he would not, under any circumstances, kill this boy. Only the one called Dave. He could tell Dave meant to hurt the boy. No one so evil could be capable of love. He could hear the treachery in Dave's voice when he spoke to Todd. It also seemed that in his focus on Todd, he failed to sense Johnny following him, as he'd been able to do before.

Johnny felt like a hero. This poor helpless, boy would not be raped tonight because of him. And neither would anyone else. He felt like donning a cape and wearing his underwear outside his pants. If he had owned a pair of underwear he would have.

Killing human waste seemed so appealing. His vocation was once again in demand.

He followed them four blocks away from campus and down a nasty little alley through an even nastier door into the nastiest place Nny'd ever been to.

Which was saying a lot considering where he used to live.

He barely noticed it as he clutched the mace he'd strapped to his belt and prepared to loosen the strap. He absently noted the sickening number of underage prostitutes in the room and thought he's make a spree of it. Thank you Dave for this meal.

He felt like a cat who'd stumbled into a rabbit nest. So much to feed on.

He made his way through the crowd and caught sight of Dave handing a drink to the Todd boy, whose face he could now see clearly. It was familiar, but right now, unimportant. Nny was arriving for his date.

He stared at Dave intensely, his intent so strong that Dave noticed. Before his surprise and recognition registered into a facial expression, he flashed Johnny the same smile as before. Johnny returned it. Dave turned his back to him, facing his date and drawing in close as little Todd sipped the drink. Bad idea, Davey.

He should have known. But he was too horny, too focused on the lovely piece of boy that was about to be his.

He pushed passed everyone in his way, his heart beating erratically. It was it was too much to wait any longer when he reached Dave. There was no room in his sanity to savor the moment, so he struck as soon as he was in range.

Nny hadn't realized he was holding his breath until he let it out at the wet sound of Dave's head shattering.

It was beautiful, like red flowers as the blood covered him and everyone around, including Todd, who seemed to be in the process of fainting.

Todd's intense stare caught his attention. The recognition was in his eyes as he went out. Close up, Nny could remember him too and forgot to lower his mace as he stared at Todd, trying to remember.

But visual cues weren't enough.

It took verbal cues.

" Squeeee…"

'Todd? I like Squee better.'

There it was.

The purest being in the universe.

Fuck everyone else, he had to get Squee out of that place.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry it took so friggin, long. My brain works really slowly when it comes to writing, probably cause I'm so bad at it. I've gotten a lot more reviews. They're all lovely and I thank all who read and the nice things they said. Hope you still enjoy it after this crappy piece of chapter. Happy Thankstaking.


	3. Chapter 3

And now for chapter 3. Thanks for the reviews, you impatient little monkeys. Not all of you that is, just a few and you know who you are. Most of the reviews were very uplifting. College is hard. It's extra crappy. Just like my writing in this chapter. I'm really tired right now. Sorry about all that. This chapter is for Brian, the guy I love, who helped me when I lost my way.

"Squeegee"

He felt the familiar embrace of his dream, and heard him too, calling him that strange name from his childhood.

"Hey, Squeegee."

Todd opened his eyes, and there he was sitting on a large rock, indigo spikes being rustled by the breeze. They seemed to be in the middle of a field somewhere.

He sat up. "Nny, what's going on?" he asked, not bothering to pay mind to the sudden remembrance of his man's name.

Nny held out a thin olive hand to him.

"Wake up, Squee, we're going home now." He said, beckoning him with his out stretched hand and smiling sincerely.

Nny looked beautiful when he smiled, and Todd was happy to finally be going home to the person he'd been searching for. He began to rise from his prostration in the grass to begin his journey home, but as he tried to hoist himself up, a strong force began to pull him back, as if he were being pulled into the ground. He fought and flailed, not willing to give up his newly acquired wholeness.

Everything went black, and then bright again as he felt consciousness return once again, but on a very different surface. Back seat of a car?

"Squee, wake up." Johnny said as he lightly tapped Todd's cheek in effort to awaken him.

Todd seemed unwilling to return to waking life, as his eyes fought to stay shut against the overhead light in Johnny's car.

"Squee, wake up, you're ok now."

Hearing the voice for the first time outside of dreamland made Todd jolt awake. He suddenly sat up, startling Johnny who backed up onto his opened car door rather hard and "oof" ed.

Todd looked around the small space until he located the source of the voice, who was directly behind him. He launched himself in Nny's direction, just short of touching distance, and drew up onto his knees, eyes widened.

"Johnny? The Homicidal Maniac?" He asked.

Nny smiled and rubbed the back of his head, drawing back slightly.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Scary neighbor man?"

"Same one."

"NNY!" Todd exclaimed.

"Yeah."

To Johnny's confusion and horror, Todd began to sob, bringing his hands to his face.

'Shit'

He had no idea how to handle making someone cry whom he wasn't trying to kill. He didn't want to touch him, but he felt confused as to why Squee was crying like that. It was a different sort of cry than the kind his victims made, but maybe he was afraid of being killed.

"Umm, I'm not going to kill you Squee, so you can stop crying."

"Hmm..?"

"I don't want to kill you."

"Oh. I know." Todd replied wiping his eyes. "I'm just happy to see you, that's all." He was, but in his wave of emotions, he hadn't thought of how an emotionally deprived person would react sudden tears.

"What?" Johnny looked utterly befuddled by this.

Todd immediately regretted the words as assessed the reality of his situation. This was not his cuddly dream man who loved him, it was only the image he took. This was the real scary neighbor man. The killer. He had said before that he would not kill Todd, but that was before he foolishly blurted out his little idealisms, and projected them onto the genuine article. The homicidal one.

"I mean, because, um, I was afraid before. Of Dave. You saved me. Um, thanks."

Good save, at least he didn't sound like a sappy bastard anymore.

"Oh. You're welcomed. It was nothing, I was planning on killing him anyway."

"Really? Because of me?"

"No, I didn't even know you knew him before tonight."

So, it was a coincidence. That's it. Todd felt a bit disappointed, but thrilled at the same time. After all, he'd been spared and that showed that Johnny cared for his life.

He did, to a degree, but he could not say why. Nny had felt a measure of fear and disgust at anyone expressing affection towards him, but he couldn't hate Squee for that. He knew that he definitely did not want him dead, and that he represented something that Johnny could never find it in him to extinguish.

The silence was a bit awkward.

Johnny backed himself against the door momentarily before standing up tentatively.

"Wanna come in? I have toast." He tried to force his trademark psycho smile that he used to give Squee when he was a terrified little boy. He didn't quite make it, as his mysterious nervousness prevented genuine glee.

"Sure." He replied timidly, and eased himself out of the car and found his legs slightly unsteady after standing.

"Heh.. must be from passing out." He laughed nervously followed Johnny across the lawn and into the unlocked front door.

The inside of Nny's house was sparsely furnished, with only one tattered, plaid couch and an old TV set ridiculously close to it, as if Nny had some kind of vision problem. The floor was hardwood, with the obligatory bloodstains here and there. There was one large window, but it was taped over with cardboard and painted black. In the back of the room on the left, was the doorway to the kitchen, where Nny was currently making his way through.

Todd stepped through the living room to follow him into the kitchen, which was primarily yellow. Nny was busy getting bread from a cabinet to make toast with.

"You like toast, right?" Nny asked.

"Yes." Todd smiled, thinking Nny was cute for making something for him.

He sat at the small table in the center of the room, but did not touch it as he noticed that it was coated in dried blood. He however failed to notice the blood that coated Nny's shoes and coat.

Todd suddenly began to feel very tired as Nny busied himself with toast making. He made his way back to the living room to lay on the couch. As he fell asleep, he wondered if he'd dream of Nny now that he was reality again for the first time in years.


	4. Chapter 4

HEYYY! I'm writing this from Yokohama. It's raining cause there's a taiphoon going on. Yayy! Here's the next installment of D and R. I'm making this up as I go along. I hope you enjoy the lack of foresight and planning on my part of where in the hell this is going. But seriously, who plans out fanfics? Anyway…..

Chapter Four: The Story is Still Happening

Four pieces would about do it, he figured, for one person. He didn't have much in the way of condiments, no butter or jelly, so poor Squee would have to do with dry toast. He was no longer in the kitchen Johnny knew, but he didn't expect him to be sleeping.

Squee was curled in the fetal position on the couch while Johnny made him his meager yet thoughtful dinner. Johnny held all four pieces in his hands for lack of flatware, and treaded over the dirty hardwood.

"Hey, I got your toast, Squeegee, I made four…" He stopped over the couch to find his guest sleeping.

Oh..

Todd's form stood out against the faded plaid, with his dark clothes and hair contrasting with natural pale flesh that comes out of a bottle for most young Goths.

Irrelevant. Johnny wasn't a writer so he didn't think such things. He only felt, and at that moment, he was struck by Todd's resemblance to the way he looked when he was a child. He nearly dropped the toast as his mind finally verified his connection with Squee.

If only the word cute existed in his vocabulary, he could have used it to describe Squee.

But how to wake him up…

Johnny shifted and thought for a moment, not wanting to actually touch the boy, he looked around the room and gathered the forte to take his foot and move the couch very abruptly.

Todd had not been dreaming, but he woke up when it seemed like the car he was in moved. Eyes snapped opened and he saw a TV coming closer to him.

Huh! He rolled to the other side of the couch that didn't seem about to collide with the TV and held on. Reality came to him in clouds as he remembered where he was and why. Mixes of horror and relief and eventual easiness settled in his mind.

_I'm in Johnny's house.._he remembered.

"Ummmm" He heard from behind. Johnny stood there looking ruefully at the ground.

"Yeah, sorry about that." He held his hands out, which were holding slightly smashed toast.

"Your toast is ready, Squegee"

"Thanks," he took the four slices and began to thoughtfully chew on the corner of one, while trying not to stare openly at Johnny, who busied himself moving the couch back to its original position.

He absently remembered that he had class the next day. But he had probably not go…

His rational mind deduced that the police might be looking for him, as the last person Dave had been seen with. They'd want to question him about the murder of his almost-rapist, who he was not interested in bringing to justice. He especially did not want to turn Johnny in. It was a lot of complication that he was not ready to deal with. Staying here seemed the best option, as Johnny always seemed to be able to evade the law by just staying at home.

Johnny promptly scurried back into the kitchen to make his own toast, feeling embarrassed for some reason. He was glad to have the company, even though Squee was about the only person he could think of that he would want in his house alive.

Todd was almost on his third piece of toast when he smiled, thinking of how he'd noticed Nny had been nervous. He was very aware that he was in love, but having it in the flesh was a new experience.

Across town, there was a sub basement full of people who were not having such an adorable night.

Being dead was not so bad as cleaning up the strewn parts of the dead.

"That's the last of it John!" A man in a plastic suit shouted across the room as he moved the last bits of gore into a bag. It was slightly unclear what part of whoever it was. The crew had never seen anything so bad in their line of work, which was saying a lot.

Seasoned professionals threw up at this scene. Aforementioned man, Don Callendorf, had been on the force for 28 years, and he could tell an eighth of human intestine from a fragment of stomach, from a piece of ordinary roast beef from Arbys, where he could unfortunately never eat again.

Here however, the pieces that weren't attached to bone could have been anything to him.

The most intact had been a woman, who had apparently died from being struck in the head with some kind of blunt object. The angle impact showed that the object was not aimed for her head, which meant she'd been in the way of the object being swung at something else. The other indication was the true object of the assailant's true, all encompassing fury. It was a man, definitely. Most of the lower body was there enough to tell. The head was punched through with the weapon, and was a pulpy mass with various teeth and black clumps of hair left over for identification. The skull was caved in completely, as was the case with nearly all the bodies. The assailant had possessed amazing strength and stamina to complete the massacre in such a short time. They were probably looking for an enormous man. Most likely, more than one. Unfortunately, no witnesses. All dead.

Don could hear the news crews arriving at the seen outside. His desire to be out of the bar as soon as possible conflicted with his desire to avoid the reporters or ever talk about what he had seen here tonight ever again. He would not sleep for a long time. It was his first year on the job all over again.

Tamara had been having her downtime with a tea and a cigarette while watching TV in her undies when the story came on the news.

Bodies in pieces, Everyone dead, No suspects, Had to be a group.

Her lip curled in disgust at man's inhumanity to man displayed to her in this general area for the millionth time. She thought that it was high time for a move.

The reporter said where the scene of the crime was. A forensic specialist with a haunted look in his eyes refused to comment on the carnage he'd just examined.

Walking distance from her nephew's collage.

She'd just wished him a happy birthday on the phone that very day. And now he was living in a town with murderers.

She nearly dropped her cigarette as she plunged for the phone to tell him that she was coming to pick him up right away.

After the tenth ring, she was sobbing.

"Todd, pick up please!" She sobbed wetly into the phone.

She'd been his mother for ten years, and her motherly protectiveness for him was at full intensity.

She tried his cell phone.

Turned off.

It's freak out time.

She dove for her keys and ran for the car sans pants.

Johnny had taken position on the arm of his couch opposite Todd and was working on his toast. Todd had been done with his for several minutes. He didn't like how Nny stayed away from him, but he kind of understood the way he was.

"So, Nny, why did you kill all those people tonight? Why'd you pick that place? I mean, it's a good thing you did, but what was it that drew you there?"

Nny looked surprised at the questioned. For a minute he couldn't remember why he'd picked that place. He glanced sidelong and Squee . Oh yeah…..

"It was that man you were with. I'd noticed him a while before then. He needed to die, so I followed him and noticed you were there after I found him."

"You were after Dave?"

"That's his name? Oh, yeah well I guess I was. He was evil in the same was as Mr. Eff. It was unmistakable."

"So, you didn't kill him because of me?" Todd seemed a bit disappointed by the news that he was rescued by accident.

"Umm, No." Nny said, chewing his last bit of toast.

"oh.." Todd looked down.

Nny noticed Todd's disappointment, and felt a bit bad for causing it.

_He probably thinks I didn't care about him._

"Well, I also didn't want you to get hurt once I noticed you. I mean, you're like my only friend from ten years ago. You gave me band aids when I needed them."

At this Todd perked up a bit.

"Yeah, I was terrified that you'd kill me back then. You scared the shit out of me."

"I can see how you'd get that feeling." Nny smiled apologetically. " Sorry for scaring you, I was a lot less stable back then. I can even buy my own band aids now."

They both laughed at his bad joke.

"That's ok." Todd said through his smile.

After they calmed a bit they sat with a small awkward silence stretching.

Nny thought, but could say it out loud, _I'd never kill you, Squeegee._

To him, it was like admitting he actually liked another human being, which was pretty impossible, with all his anti contact hang ups.

"Nny?" Todd asked suddenly, breaking him out of his thinking time.

"Yes?'

"Umm, how old are you now? I didn't know ten years ago, but I always wondered. If you don't want to say…"

"Thirty-three." He answered abruptly. He didn't see why the question required so many words.

"Oh." Todd said. "I'm twenty, just turned today."

"Well Happy Birthday then, I guess. Sorry I haven't anything to give you."

"You gave me a gift when you killed Dave."

Nny looked up at Squee, surprised to hear something so malicious come from him. He had a slightly disturbing smile on his face, somewhere between contentment and cold satisfaction.

"He was going to hurt me, but you saved me from a horrible experience. You were right about him you know, he was evil. I think I always knew it, but I was in denial because I wanted to like him. He was different from other guys, or he made it seem that way. I guess I was desperate to feel loved."

Nny did a double take at this statement. It hadn't occurred to him that Dave was his boyfriend, or that Squee was that way. The homosexuality was a shock, but not as strange to him as the thought of Squee as a sexual creature in the first place. He still saw him as an innocent boy, but he'd have to accept that he had become an adult while he was away.

He chose not to voice his surprise. However, it showed on his face. Todd noticed the shift in Nny's expression at the mention of his relationship with another man. This distressed him at first, but he showed no signs of non acceptance, so he did not press the subject.

"Umm, Nny?" Todd remembered he had a matter to smooth out before making himself at home.

"Yes?'

"Could I maybe stay here tonight? I'm kind of afraid to go home, with the investigations and stuff that are going on. I was the last person seen alive with Dave, and when they don't identify my body, they're going to look for me. I can't deal with that right now."

"That makes sense. Sure you can stay. You seem to like my couch anyway." He smiled ruefully at his second bad joke.

It was enough to smash any awkwardness left over from Nny's uneasiness with Todd. He was a bit unfamiliar now, but it didn't seem to sway his connection at all.

Across town, a crazed woman was driving erratically down the highway in search of her surrogate son, who was currently residing happily with the very murderer she was trying to protect him from.


	5. Chapter 5

Time for your yearly update! The mood had taken me a year hence from last time! Hopefully I'll feel apt to write again sooner after this than last time. Sorry for being such a dick, but I'm not really a writer, so the mood doesn't happen often. I still love my lil story tho, I hope you guys still do too.

He slept well that night, curled up on the couch. This was partly attributed to fact that the couch and everything else in the room smelled like Johnny. He had very good dreams. He woke up that morning for the first time not feeling like something integral was missing from his life.

Todd wasn't aware of the time, only that he was alone and feeling quite safe and whole. He smiled as he stretched, his legs now dangling from the edge of the too small couch. He decided it better to actually know what time it was, so he fished his cell phone from his pocket, opened it and switched it on.

6:05 a.m.

Hmm. _Damn it's early_.

It was one of those times that everyone hates during a sleepover as children. When you wake up long before your friends, and you're left waiting for them to awaken, and not being able to fall back asleep despite the fact that it's six in the morning. He wanted to Johnny to be awake, or at least sleeping where he could see him.

'You seem to like my couch'; Johnny had said last night. Decidedly not an invitation to sleep in his room, wherever that might be.

He resolved to fall back asleep despite his cramped position and aches from sleeping wrong. That is until the angry beep of his phone snapped him into fully conscious attention.

47 missed calls.

Todd's face fell in realization of what this meant. He was in trouble with his aunt and possible the police. His comfort was replaced with cold anxiety.

Holy Shit. 

Pushing the button that revealed to him the identity of the caller, he felt worse and worse.

Missed Call 1: Tamara.

It continued for 40 more call until the kicker.

Missed call 41: District 5.

The next six alternated between District Five and Aunt Tamara.

Then came the voice messages. Each one more painful to hear then the last, as Tamara panicked and sobbed and pleaded for him to answer the phone so she would know he was not murdered. The police had left cold, neutral inquiries as to his location and status. They said to contact them or his aunt when he became able to.

_When the fuck did I turn my phone off?_ He wondered at the missing memory.

His first instinct was to call Tamara, not the police, and tell her he'd stayed with a friend and he was ok. But what if they'd bugged her line, so in case he was trouble, they'd be able to pinpoint his exact location. Which would be Johnny's house. That would be a very rude gesture on Todd's part to bring the man down on his host and savior.

Have to get out and call her from a pay phone 

But how, without Johnny finding him gone? And wouldn't it be rude to wake someone up at such an ungodly hour?

He hated the thought of making his aunt so hysterical and worried. He wanted more than anything to let her know he was fine. But he did not wan to chance getting Johnny in trouble. His heart felt torn between the two people he loved most in the world.

He'd have to tell Johnny, there was no way around it.

Todd quickly scanned the room for any stairs or door that might lead to Nny's room. He settled on a flight of stairs across from the front door and arose to climb them, trying not to make too much noise, which was kind of pointless since he had already resolved to wake him.

Johnny C. had wanted a room with no windows. When he moved into this house he got it. The basement was finished for the ungrateful teenager of the previous tenets, who had decided she was too goth for light, so she had boarded up the small windows and painted the room black. While both of these actions were probably undertaken by her reluctant father, Nny still gave her credit for good taste when he drove an eyeliner pencil deep into her eyeball. He had to do some redecorating that consisted of tearing down the multitude of posters of bands he'd never heard of. He'd also found her stash of boy band CDs hidden under a floorboard, and disposed of those too. All her other possessions that he found useless went too. He'd also had to air out the lingering patouli stank from her perfume.

So he mostly stayed down there, writing or drawing or just being awake. He'd not slept that night, which was not unusual. He had left Squee after he drifted off and returned to this doom cellar (the exact words painted on the door by the daughter). He'd spent the night thinking, sometimes about Squee. He was not troubled by his presence in his home, just made slightly uneasy. He almost worried about Squee, even though he was in the safest place he could possibly be. But what he mostly feared was Squee not being there in the morning. He had an insane fear of not seeing him again after their reunion. Had he gone so long without friends that he was terrified of loosing the one he had?

Perhaps that was the case. He'd been spoiled after this contact after having been deprived of it for so long. But could've it been anyone? Had it been someone else, would this euphoria be the same, say with a stranger? Or Devi? Surely she would invoke the same feelings, but for some reason, the thought of her was not as stirring as the image of Squee curled like a child on his couch, alive and warm. He would've wanted to kill her, or anyone else.

He was taken by an urge to check on Squee. He got up from the tattered futon, wondering at his new protective disposition. Maybe seeing Squee safe would ease his tired mind.

Todd found nothing but old furniture and personal items of the previous occupants, and some blood stains. He was oddly captivated by the remaining evidence of the dead family, and found himself going through their drawers and belongings. He was in the master bedroom, shared by the husband and wife. The bed was large and covered by a white and pink quilt, its sacrine design interrupted by a rather large bloodstain. Todd was looking though the under ware drawer of the wife, feeling a bit perverted. He was intrigued by her choice in panties. They were large to accommodate her supposedly wide ass, but also plain and non-exciting. He dug deeper, and found a garter, one black thong that looked like he could tie up a small child with, and a sock with something in it. By the shape, he could tell that it was probably a vibrator. His disgust was becoming equal with his fascination with discovering the sexuality of such a seemingly vanilla person. He wondered if Johnny had looked in here. He doubted it, then decided to leave the rest alone and travel back downstairs to continue his search for Johnny.

The basement door opened up into the kitchen, which led through to the living room, where Squee should most definitely been sleeping. Johnny stood glaring at the empty couch with building rage and worry. Respite would not be his, and he felt the sting of rejection. This rejection was multi-layered as his insanity, consisting of the rejection by fate to give him what he needed, and the rejection of Squee's abandonment. Of course he didn't want to stay with a killer he still feared. Had they not forged a bond last night of friendship and acceptance? Nny felt stupid for having let himself think that anyone would not fear him. No one sane would stick around with him, and he felt instantly like a pouty school girl with a crush. He couldn't believe himself.

_I liked him…. That way…._

He felt his eyes become wet and be became horrified at his failure. All this time spent wrangling and controlling his emotions…..

He lowered himself onto the couch.

Todd came down the stairs with intentions to try the basement next. As he descended the staircase, he noticed a figure on the balled up on the couch which was none other than Johnny, staring blankly at the TV. Todd could only see him in profile.

"Nny, there you are!" He said, making his way to him.

Johnny had been in his own little world of grief and self loathing, was planning on easing his mind with a killing spree somewhere.

He nearly fell out if his seat when Todd called out to him he was so startled.

"What what! Oh my God, get back, I'll kill you!" he exclaimed mindlessly, backing away. His eyes were wild and sightless not even seeing Squee at first.

Todd drew back from the side of the couch, old fear stirred and edging to the door.

"Nny….." He sobbed in pain. He now felt the sting of rejection.

Nny snapped to reality after seeing Squee's face clearly and contoured in fear.

"Squee where the hell were you?" He asked frantically.

"Upstairs!" He squeeked, cowering.

"Why the fuck were you up there?"

"I was looking for you cause I had something to tell you and you weren't there and now you're going to kill you an I don't wanna die and please don't hurt me I can't handle this from you and I'm sorry please like me again." Todd went on like that for a time, his mind racing with feelings of fear, rejection, and absolute love.

Johnny instantly felt sorry.

"I won't kill you just don't leave like that I thought you left the house. I want you here and.." Johnny clamped a hand over his hand at his admittance. His cover was blown and his emotions returned to ruin him again.

The moment he heard Johnny's confession Todd was ecstatic. He made his way over to Johnny caught up in passion. He sat facing him, and leaned in closely. He felt his instincts taking him as he narrowed his soft dark eyes to Johnny's equally dark eyes.

"You want me…." He breathed.

Nny said nothing, he just stared at Todd in abject terror. He had made a horrible mistake. He had created a vulnerability in himself, an emotional hole through which his voices could return. He waited for the sound of something, Eff or Nailbunny and he could hear nothing but the sound of his own breathing and his mind screaming at him to respond by either confessing or killing the boy.

" I..I .. don't know. Please don't ask. I was afraid you'd gone away . That's all I know. I don't think I'm going to kill you, but please don't do that anymore." He stammered.

It was the most positive response as he could handle.

Squee smiled. "Ok. Let's just leave it alone" He had quieted his urge to attack Nny then and there and buried all his pent up lust. He got up again.

"Nny, I have to call my aunt. She's worried about me and has called my cell phone many times, and I'm afraid she's got the police involved. So I can't call her from here. Could you help me find a pay phone?"

Johnny nodded mutely and got up. "C'mon, let's go."

They headed for the door.


	6. Chapter 6

OH YEAH. Let's get this shit over with. All the reviews made me very, very happy. I love everyone who took time to read my little rambling. The story is nearly to an end, and in its best form. It literally takes me years to think of stuff worth writing so thanks to everyone who hung in there with me over this half a decade.

Tamara woke to a ringing phone and had the phone in her hand before she knew what was happening.

"HELLO??" She frantically and sleepily yelled.

"OUCH, Tamara that hurt my ears." Todd jerked his head away from the phone at her aural assault.

"HOLY SHIT TODD WHERE IN THE –FUCK- HAVE YOU BEEN?" Not letting up on her volume. Todd was forced to hold the outdated chunk of plastic a few inches from his head.

"INDOOR VOICE!" He screamed back.

Her brain did an angry twist, recalling all the anguish she'd been put through and how Todd was the last person alive she wanted to take any requests from. He deserved to hear the full effect of her pain.

"EXCUSE ME??? WHO'S BEEN UP ALL NIGHT –SCREAMING AND CRYING-OVER THEIR POTENTIALLY DEAD CHILD?? INDOOR VOICE?!! FUCK YOU, YOUNG MAN, YOU GET YOUR ASS HOME RIGHT FUCKING NOW AND I'M CALLING THE POLICE, WHO ARE LOOKING FOR YOU BY THE WAY."

Todd's face crumpled. From the car Nny sat in it looked bad. He must be in trouble, he though ruefully.

"FINE!" Todd screamed back. "YOU DO THAT, and when I get home maybe you'll be ready to LISTEN to me." He slammed the black chunk of history back onto the box, which clanged with the sound of change falling.

When Todd sank back into his car seat, he was frowning from ear to ear. Johnny felt bad for him. He had no frame of reference for being in trouble with a parent, but it seemed pretty painful from the way the conversation looked. Nny was oddly jealous, though, that Todd had someone to care for him on daily basis. All he could remember were shadows of a mother he had long lost.

"That bad?" He whispered.

Todd nodded weakly. "She was really, really worried about me. I hurt her a lot for not calling. I need to go home now."

"Ok then." Nny smiled weakly, mildly disappointed.

Todd did not –want- to go home. Somehow he knew that once he left, Johnny's side, he would be able to return. He wanted to prolong their time together as long as possible, but he also knew he needed to be with his only family. He'd put Tamara through enough.

Johnny felt disappointed as well. He had already freaked out once that day at the prospect of loosing his one and only friend. Part of him wanted to choke Todd to death and keep him around forever, or at least until his face rotted off. This was a weak desire however, and he would not put forth the effort. The need to not kill his friend was stronger.

Johnny reached toward the ignition, but Todd grasped his hand before he had a chance to turn the key. They both felt a jolt of electricity at the touch, and paused. Todd breathed in sharply and Nny stiffened.

"Wait." Todd said meekly.

He did not let go of Johnny's hand. The feeling of another person did strange things to Johnny, making his body react in ways he thought were impossible. He could not breathe or move, and his kill switch was disengaged.

"I don't want to leave you" Todd continued, stuttering a bit, being very afraid, "Please tell me I'll see you again." Todd did not know where the boldness of this statement came from. He was used to seducing men, but this was not that. This was a desperate plea.

Johnny, shocked, could only nod weakly. "Ok." He squeaked like a young boy. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. The feeling was cripplingly intense. His body, reacting on its own, brought Todd's hand to his mouth.

He gently and lightly kissed the back of it. The tears came freely.

He lowered Todd's hand but did not let go. Todd inhaled sharply, feeling his whole body tense, half fear but mostly joy and little turned on. He crossed his legs to hide it.

Then, noticing Johnny's tears squeezed his hand.

"I'm sorry, Nny, I didn't mean to make you this way." He knew strong emotions in conjunction with Johnny were not the best mixture. As much as his beloved aunt needed him home, He needed to be with Johnny, and Johnny seemed to need him. So he held on and asked no questions. Todd knew his love well enough to keep quiet.

Nny cried silently and after thirty minutes or so allowed his grip to loosen and than fall slack.

He gently removed his hand from Todd's and rested it on the ignition.

"Ok I'm ready now," He whispered.

Todd nodded and smiled. "Ok" He said

"Can you tell me how to get there?" Johnny asked.

Todd directed him over the highway. After about 15 minutes of driving they arrived at a smallish 1920's ranch house. A rainbow flag and various flamingos decorated the path to the door of Todd's home.

"This is it," Todd said.

Johnny thought it looked like the happiest place on earth, like nowhere he's ever go. The house almost seemed to be a cardboard cutout, it was so ethereally bright. It couldn't possibly be real. That was where Squee, Todd, would disappear into.

"Thank you. For saving my life. I can never thank you enough." Todd said looking at sadly at his lovely driver.

Johnny sighed deeply. "I'd never let you die."

Todd did not want to leave yet, the word were at his throat dying to be said so much that it hurt. His brain begged him for the release it has so desired for years. So it came out.

"You know I love you right?" Todd said quickly, before his had a chance to filter.

Nny was taken aback at these words. He felt his whole body stiffen and react like earlier. He said nothing, looking down at the dash, frozen. The word "love" cut him down the middle.

He could only make a 'squee' type sound in response.

Todd, knowing he'd get nothing back, was sad anyway and decided it was best to go. Saying the words had felt exhilarating, but he knew his love could not return feelings like that. He has no delusions about Johnny.

"I always have. I always will. Thank you for my life." Todd said. He took Johnny's hand one more time.

Johnny did not resist or react. Todd kissed that back of his hand, knowing deep down that he'd probably not see him again.

Johnny let out a dry sob, squeezing Todd's hand very, very hard. He needed to kill something to let these emotions out. It was the only was he knew how to express.

"Squeegee, you should go. I have to get very far from here." He said evenly, closing his eyes. "And, you should know by now." It hurt him to say this last thing. He hoped it was enough, as he was too tainted invoke the words that Todd could express easily.

So he did. Todd left and Johnny drove away. He could see Todd in the rear view, being squeezed to death by his aunt.

An hour later, Johnny was disemboweling a dead cop upon whose head a speeding violation was stapled.


	7. Chapter 7

BACKGROUND! I gave little Todd an origin, just like wolverine.

*****

At the age of 16, Marciella was impregnated by Thomas Casil, age 25. Her mother convinced her to keep the baby and marry Thomas, in the true Catholic form. Only her sister Tamara opposed this decision. Tamara loved her baby sister, she had cared for her since she was six, when Marciella was born. She hated Thomas, a man older than her who had taken advantage of a very underage girl.

Marciella was young and idealistic. Thomas told her that he loved her over and over again until she allowed him to make love to her. That's what he called it. Making Love. She later heard him call it "fucking" to his friends. He fucked her. A teenage girl. What a conquest.

He had not bothered to use a condom or to call her back afterwards. Marciella lied to herself that he really still loved her. When she missed her period, she went to her big sister Tamara, who was home from college. She was to be the only member of their family with a degree in a few years, so she was smart. Tamara advised her to abort the baby, and never speak to Thomas again. Tamara had not known of the affair and was very angry that her sister had been used. But Marciella didn't see it that way, she was still under the spell of Thomas.

Tamara told her that she'd help her any way she could, take her to the clinic, help her pay, anything to save her little sister's life. Because that was not what she wanted to hear, she finally in the third month went to their mother. Their very Catholic mother. Armed with Catholic guilt, Marciella's mother confronted Thomas and convinced him to marry her daughter and bring up their child. He caved, fearing jail time for statutory rape. Marciella dropped out of high school and was married to Thomas 8 months pregnant. Tamara did not attend.

After Todd was born, Marciella had severe post partum depression. She spent all of her time heavily medicated, which made it easier to deal with when Thomas started beating her. And then he started beating Todd. She shut it all out, Thomas and Todd, and never canceled her prescription. Ten years passed by without her notice. She lived her wasted life day in and day out, her family just shadows in her peripheral vision. When Thomas screamed at her, she only heard echoes. When Todd cried, she heard birds singing by the window. How Todd survived to be 10 years old is anyone's guess.

When Tamara turned 32, she decided to visit her sister. She had worried for Marciella, but had put the thoughts out of her mind. She has tried so hard to save her, and failed. There was no one left to blame, and their mother was dead. Mother had Tamara under similar conditions to Marciella's pregnancy. Perhaps being a lesbian was the only thing that saved Tamara from their fate. She liked to think it was her intelligence, but who was to say?

When she paid her first visit to the Casil's, horror met her at the door. Thomas answered with a "who the hell are you?" She answered with,"where's my sister, scumfuck." and he grunted and called for Marciella.

When Tamara sat down with her sister for the first time in ten years, she saw that Marciella looked close to forty for her twenty six years. She was thin and drawn, and barely coherent. The sight of Todd Casil was more horrible. The poor boy looked like he'd been plucked straight from Auschwitz, so thin and pale. His bones poked out of his skin and he was covered in scrapes and bruises.

By profession, Tamara was a social worker. This family was a case. She took it on, declaring her sister an unfit mother and proving the abuses of the father. Thomas was fine with it. He figured out that by beating his son, he had been taking steps towards what he really wanted, which was to be rid of him. So he admitted to it. And asked for them to take him. As the next living relative, he went to Tamara. Marciella seemed not to notice until the day came for Tamara to take Todd away. Todd tried to say goodbye to her, and said he would miss her. She waved despondently, until Tamara picked him up. Marciella's eyes went wide and she jerked up as if pulled by strings. She screamed

"NO! NO! NO! NO TOME EL!!!! DON"T TAKE MY SON!! MI HIJOOOO!!" She screamed and sobbed, falling on her knees with a loud thud, and balling up at Tamara's feet. "Lo siento.." She said walking away. Tamara had tried to spare her sister this pain, but it had not worked. Todd cried all the way home, but became happier once he realized that life could be better for him with his aunt. He got to see his mother on occasion, after she moved into the hospital for good. Thomas disappeared from the face of the Earth. And Todd forgot him. He forgot his previous life as an abused child. Tamara could not save Marciella, but she had saved Todd.


	8. Chapter 8

UPDATE CELEBRATE

The worst part about falling asleep is waking up. There is a short sense of panic, like waking from the dead and finding yourself in another time and place. This fear of waking comes in many forms. It can be as mundane as the immediate fear of waking up too late to be on time for work, or actually waking in a different locale than where one fell asleep.

For Nny, it was mostly the second one. He almost always doubted reality, and never so strongly as when he tried to remember what had taken place before sleep. How could he be so sure that any of those memories were not dreams?

When he awoke from falling asleep abruptly at home, he knew that Squee's presence in his home had to be a dream. Why else would he awake with it in his head? The lines had become too blurry to discern. He still felt a distinct coldness on his hand, where dream Squee had kissed him. It felt horrible in a vaguely sexually appealing way. This sensation made him want to either throw up or, well, do something to which was totally unaccustomed. Either way, he needed to emit some kind of fluid.

Upon moving, Nny discovered that he had in fact emitted a fluid. He drew in a sharp, horrified breath, and lifted up the waistband of his ancient stretch pants. There was a half dried mess tangled in his dark triangle of pubic hair greeting him. It had pooled in one area but was mostly spread around the perimeter of his pubis and belly. Because he had forgotten what semen looked like altogether, it became analogous to snot in his mind.

"Oh god…I'm going to be sick."

The overwhelming wave of nausea that followed caused him to emit more fluid, this time vomit, onto the floor beside him. When Nny had finished retching, he quickly discovered that a long ignored, uninvited guest had returned for the first time in his living memory, to make his life a living hell.

Todd awoke to the smell of eggs and chorizo. It was beautiful. The sun was emitted its rays through his blinds in the loveliest way he'd ever seen and his sheets felt softer than any sheets made before. This morning seemed to utterly beautiful; he did not want to move. Instead, he lay there for a long moment, remembering his day before and also, the dream he had.

It was much more detailed than usual, and not as overtly sexual. It had been a dream about love, he remembered, with Johnny. Despite the lack of dirty sex in his dream, he woke up sticky. Not that he minded, this happened all the time. Todd's penis was still erect when he awoke as well, which made him happy.

As good as the food downstairs smelled, Todd took time out to appreciate himself. He looked down at his smooth and youthful erection. He really did have a nice cock, the men who told him that were not just being nice. It was perfect in every way and had the easy turgid ness that only a boy his age could achieve.

He took it in his hand and worked the shaft until his previous mess had been added to. When his happened, he thought of the kiss he had given to Johnny's hand.

Afterward, he was ready to eat real food, not just toast. He thought of Johnny and how much he'd like to share Tamara's chorizo with him. The poor man probably not had eaten anything but toast for the past decade.


	9. Chapter 9

9th Chapter. I hope this is long enough for you. Thanks for saying nice things about my story.

"Did you even taste that food or did you just inhale it?" Tamara said looking crossly at her nephew, who had made short work of his breakfast. "I spent a lot of time on that you know, it was meant to be enjoyed."

"Sorry…I was kind of hungry you know." Todd retorted.

She smiled a bit. He was still a kid mostly and looked it when he ate with the fervor of a child with a sundae. However, she knew for a fact that he did many unchildlike things, which worried her immensely, especially when he stayed out all night. The identity of the person he'd stayed with the night before ate away at her mind. She liked to know who her Todd was seeing, and if they were safe and kind. Someone who dropped a boy off without introducing himself to the parental figure struck her as very unsafe.

"So….who was this man who dropped you off and sped away so quickly?" Tamara asked as she sat down across from her nephew.

Todd knew this moment would arrive. Tamara did not like suspicious people, and Nny was not exactly disarming when she briefly saw him.

"Well, he is a friend of mine called Johnny." he said.

"Hmmm, and what kind of friend?" She raised a dark eyebrow.

He gave an exasperated sigh. "The REGULAR kind." He sighed like a pestered child.

"You know what I mean Todd don't lie to me."

Sigh…..

"Nothing happened ok, it's not like that really."

"Really?"

"Uhhh, Yeah. Can we talk about something else now?"

"So why did he just drop you off like some kind of, of stranger?" This is what she really wanted to know, and Todd knew this too. His clever young brain formulated an explanation for the breach in decorum that Nny had committed.

"He was on the way to work and had no time to stop."

"Oh, ok." Tamara was relieved by this answer, it seemed logical enough. "So next time, you invite him for dinner, ok? He did keep you safe while that killer was out on the loose. But you should have called. You gave me a giant fucking ulcer with that stunt."

Todd looked ruefully at his plate. "Sorry for that, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

She smiled at him, and reached over the small table to pat his head.

"Yeah ok."

Todd felt relief that this line of questioning was over. He hated to lie to his aunt, but nothing else could be done. It was not like he could tell her that his serial killer crush had harbored him through the night and then had a special moment of ambiguous love feelings with him shortly before dropping him at home. He put it out of his mind and began to complete his chore of dish doing when Tamara put her paper down to addressed him again.

"Todd, I thought today we could go see Marci. Would you like to see your mom?"

The thought of seeing his mother triggered a certain amount of stress in him. He always felt slightly guilty at the sight of her, and hurt deep down at her state. Still, she loved him and he loved her, even though in his mind, Tamara was his real mother. It was as if Marciella birthed him for Tamara. And for this he was grateful to her.

"Yes." He said. "Yes, let's go see mom."

Johnny had tried to distract himself as best as he could from the uninvited guest. It was however difficult to do this since the entity was attached to his body. Wherever he went it followed, demanding attention that he refused to pay it. It screamed to him that nature was more powerful than his puny human resolve.

He had sobbed, torn things, thrown objects, and killed many roaches to ward off the evil. Perhaps, he thought, He needed to kill someone. That had always been a good catharsis on the past…

Johnny set out in his car to a particularly crappy area of town, where the drunks drink all day and all night. He hated alcoholic bar flies and this place could provide an easy fix for ultimate self-distraction. It was still early in the day, about 4pm, but he knew of a place where victims were lined up for him like helpless veal calves.

Thomas had not stopped drinking for the past twenty years.

Upon waking that morning at 2pm, the only thought was to get a drink in his body. He had somehow become sober in his sleep. _Completely Unacceptable_, he thought and stumbled out of bed. After such a long time wasted, his motor skills had abandoned him, hopefully to seek new horizons with someone who would utilize them.

He groaned all the way to the refrigerator and pulled out the last 40oz of waking death he had stocked.

Some Mexican bitches, who had taken him to court over a worthless half-breed child that no one could possibly want, had ruined Thomas's life. He stumbled to his shitty couch, sitting in an awkward spot in the middle of his shitty efficiency. He was currently unemployed, but things had been easier once he no longer owed child support on the useless spawn that whore Marciella squeezed out. She had been a lovely virgin piece of ass at the time, and still probably a fuckable vegetable in the loony bin. However, he regretted not pulling out when he fucked her. That way she could be just a nice memory to add to his many nice memories of women he had fucked and left.

Instead, she was a cancer on his mind. She plagued him in his nightmares. Her and the kid. So he drank a lot, more than ever before, to ward them off and laugh at their memory. _Fuck them_, he thought.

At 4pm, he headed to the cheapest bar in town to continue his 20-year binge and try to get some pussy. However, no woman had come near him in 20 years. He was sure Marciella had cursed him.

The orderly softly knocked on the large painted steel door that confined Marciella to her living quarters.

"Ms. Guerra, you sister and son are here to see you." She said in soft comforting tones.

She opened the door to let them in. Marciella was sitting on her small sofa, gazing out the window at a tree branch.

Tamara was happy that her sister had a room to herself, and a pretty decent one at that. She was considered to be stable enough to have an apartment-like living quarters, with a bookshelf, small table set, TV, and sofa. There was a smaller room adjoined where her bed was situated. A lot of natural light came in through her two windows, but of course, they did not open. It was still a mental hospital.

Marciella abruptly looked over at her guests.

"Oh! Tamara, I didn't see you there. Como estas?"

"Bueno, and you?" Tamara said making her way to the sofa to sit with her sister. Todd brought with him a chair from the table to sit on, like always,

"Hi, Mom."

Her eyes went a bit fuzzy, and then she recognized him.

"Mijo, is that you? You are so tall!" She exclaimed, obviously taken aback. Each time her saw her, she seemed to forget that he was grown, as if her memory of him looped back to ten years before after every visit. It always took her a minute to register the passing of time.

"I just had my birthday Mama, I'm 20 now."

It always hurt him to watch the realization sink in that she had been out of the world so long, missing her boy's entire life.

"Was it a good birthday?" She asked, shaking off her daze.

"Yes, it was." This was only half true. Todd scooted his chair close to his mother's side and held her hand while the three of them talked about various meaningless things.

Johnny arrived at his destination in the late afternoon. He was thoroughly tormented and ready to cause torment to someone else. He slipped into the door of a bar he knew to be good for what he needed. His gift of invisibility served him well here, as he was able to seat himself in a dark corner and watch. He chose an empty booth that looked as if it had not been cleaned in 5 years. There was a dark colored, waxy, layer on the table, the kind you can scratch off with a fingernail.

He waited and looked at the back of the men at the bar.

A horribly skinny man who appeared to be around 40 walked in soon after Johnny sat down. He was struck by the stench of evil that surrounded this man. Just the act of looking at him filled Johnny with hatred like he'd never known. He fought the urge to throw up, holding his stomach. His torment forgotten, Johnny smiled at the back of this man's head, which was now seating itself at the bar. He began to plan the man's death. A feeling he would never get tired of pulled at his soul, and he felt the anticipation of blood on his hands. He smiled so evil that it scared away any semblance of annoying sex drive that had been plaguing him.

He waited and waited and waited. Johnny would wait forever for his kill, and be patient. Because that is what homicidal maniacs do after all.


	10. Chapter 10

Double Digits, whatwhat! Time for Chapter Ten.

Thomas needed a piss. He hated to do it, but after 7 beers, it was time to break the seal. As he rose from his stool, a young man's heart leapt up in his chest. This young man soundlessly rose from his own seat to follow Thomas to the restroom, where he would kill him.

Circumstance was always a friend of Johnny's, and tonight the fact that the bathroom just happened to be one-occupant was highly favorable in his opinion. He would be able to do his job without disturbance. The world and its smallest events seemed to tailor themselves to Johnny's purposes even further when Thomas forgot to lock the door, oblivious in his stupor.

Thomas positioned himself in front of the urinal, releasing his penis without looking. It had become a depressing organ that he tried not to view unless it was necessary. Instead, he saw himself in the small dirty mirror, and mused that he looked like he was in the middle of a fog as he released the contents of his bladder in the oft-not cleaned porcelain pan. He imagined he could see a face behind him in the mirror. This was not an uncommon appearance. He believed that demons followed him everywhere, ones that his ex-wife had set upon him with her Aztec voodoo or whatever. The face seemed clearer and more distinct than usual.

_Am I really that drunk_, he asked himself.

The demon only smiled more broadly. He mused; _Finally Satan himself is here to visit._

Johnny's eyes met Thomas's in the mirror. Thomas only stared back seemingly fascinated, which Nny attributed to the drinking his victim had done. His senses were dulled, which was mildly disappointing. He liked it when they could feel all the pain fully. Oh well. It was not as if Thomas was on morphine, he would still feel it.

Thomas shook the remainder of pee out of his small and flaccid penis, returning it to it's home. That is when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Oh shit, he thought beginning to turn around.

"I'm not a faggot, dude, so fuck o…" he trailed off once he looked into the eyes of his assailant. It was the demon, in the flesh. Satan had come to collect his soul. His eyes were unearthly black with no depth, hard like rocks. Thomas felt fear as they looked at him. Real fear overcame his whole being. It was probably the least of his worries, but he was happy to have already pissed. Satan smiled at him. However, the mirth in that smile was not for Thomas to ever share.

Johnny locked the door behind him. He placed a hand on Thomas's shoulder to spin him around, only to have him spin himself and begin to say meaningless words. The look in his eyes was perfection. Fear and understanding of the like that Johnny had never seen. He knew this man had waited a long time for him to arrive.

….


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

In places such as this, strange noises in the bathroom merited no response. Murder or sex, no one cared much. There were people in the immediate vicinity who would accept cash for the movement of a body, and many others who would accept it for sex in the bathroom or a blowjob or you know, whatever. Cash is cash, no changing that. Cash is also comfort and tradable for things that make one stop noticing their own pulse long enough not to long to die.

Johnny C. was at this moment, loosing control in the bathroom of this place. This was a beautiful moment for him, he had never lost himself so perfectly in the act of murder. The sound of death was not even recognizable, as he had thought to stuff Thomas' mouth with cloth from his own clothing before inflicting pain. The act stayed private and intimate because of this forethought. The people here would pay no mind to small gasps and whimpering as they might with screams of bloody murder.

Johnny C. brought many small blades with him on this kill. Small blades are supposed to cut better he had heard somewhere. If this was in fact a myth, he would not have known. The small blades did their job. Thomas had very little flesh left on his face, and the work was not sloppy. Thanks you, small blades. Well done, little guys.

They looked one another in the eye the whole time. Johnny was aware of the humanity of this man, and became aware that this awareness actually enhanced the act of killing, and brought an interesting feeling in his belly and brain.

_This person feels pain, this hurts, what I am doing_, he thought. _It hurts. He is hurting, the helpless animal, and I want him to. I don't want to stop. Ever. _

The only disturbing part was when Thomas first looked hard into Johnny's face, right after the cloth went in, and mouthed around them:

"_I know you. I know you, I know who you are._"

It was not a questioning statement, it was sure. Thomas died knowing that is old neighbor killed him, and was confirmed in his decade old belief that the man was from hell. He really liked being right, and the happiness of this win sustained him for a bit.

That is, until all memories left with the arrival of the small blades. After this began, Thomas forgot life before the pain, he knew he'd been feeling this way inside for years. Finally his physical state matched his emotional one. Finally, sense materialized in the world. And he lost himself in the pain, which was pain that defied all words or pithy human expression.

Todd C. always remained silent on the ride home from his mother's institution. He thought about a lot of things, felt guilty, and generally remained pensive for the rest of the day after a visit. He thought that he would always feel uneasy around this mother no matter what, because all of his earliest memories of her were incredibly disturbing and painful. And also led to thoughts of his father, which triggered fear in his gut, sharp tings of it.

His aunt Tamara knew not to disturb Todd's quiet, there was nothing to say in these times. She also hurt every time she looked at her little sister in that institution. Her pangs for Thomas were hatred, almost homicidal.

For dinner, Tamara cooked pasta. It was easy and well liked by her nephew.

Actions and words floated between them unnoticed, and they both went to bed early.

Having two giant comforters on his bed gave Todd small happiness, and no desire to move. The numbness of the visit had infected his aunt, the house, and now his bed. The only thought that gave him any emotional response was of Johnny.

He was still in relative disbelief that he had seen Johnny just the other day, before him, and had even touched him. The thought of this touch gave him enough warmth to go to sleep.

At 4am, Todd's phone rang. The number was not recognizable.

Groggily, Todd mumbled a "hello" into the plastic chunk.

"Squee" the caller stated.

Recognition jolted Todd awake. Recognition and barely disguised joy.

"Johnny! How do you have my number?"

"I just punched in some numbers and thought of calling you. I'm at a pay phone." He said. Johnny's voice was ragged, he sounded cold, like he was shivering.

"Where are you?" Todd asked, belly quivering with nervousness. The thought of seeing Johnny was, well, extremely exciting and scary.

"Close to you , Squee. A few blocks away I think. I was wondering, if you want leave your house. Like, with me. For a little while. I think I might have something I need to tell you."

Shock, joy, and anticipation sucker punched Todd in the gut when Johnny said he had something to tell him. He had to know what it was.

"K, I'll be there in roughly five minutes." Johnny hung up upon completion of this sentence.

"Holy shit! I mean, yes, come over I'll be outside waiting, so just drive up and I'll be there." Todd stammered a little over his words. It was not every day that dreams came true. His youth and naviete attached hope to Johnny's statement, but experience added a bit of fear to it. Fear of rejection, disappointment, and all that good stuff.

Todd jumped out of bed, pulling on pants, boots, coat, hat, scarf.

Sitting outside on the stoop, cold air mixed with crazy anticipatory feelings as Todd counted cars waiting for the right one.

Finally after more like 15 minutes, a car slowed down in front of his house.

With a sharp inhale to dispel his butterflies, Todd walked to the car and carefully, sloly, opened the door.

Two dark pairs of eyes met.

"Well, get in" Johnny said, breaking Todd's love-trance. "Sorry I took so long. I found a store with cherry ice suckies." He punctuated this by taking a long, loud suck of his frozen treat.

"AHHH I love those fucking things." Johnny sighed, placing it back into the drink holder.

Todd sat uneasy, closing the door quietly. It was still very early in the morning, or late at night depending on which end one came from. He and Johnny had most certainly come from opposite ends to meet at this time.

Johnny drove, saying nothing for a long time.

They reached Johnny's old house, which was in dire disrepair. Todd's old house was abandoned and not far behind in shabbiness.

Afraid to break the silence, Todd also said nothing. Inside, he thought he was going to explode. Seeing his old home made him sick. The feeling of being beside Johnny combined with this threatened to make him vomit.

Killing the engine, Johnny took a drink of his ice suckie. Another short silence later. He turned to Todd. His eyes focused as if he had finally remembered the reason for the trip he had made in the boy's company.

He spoke:

"Hey Squeegee, I think I killed your Dad."


End file.
